The Liquid Kosmos

Surrender

My brother sent me an Internet link today and simply asked, "Have you seen this?"

I clicked to the story and it was about a guy who'd been arrested for throwing rocks at the door at a small county courthouse in my home state. The article said police walked outside to see what was going on and the man walked willingly toward the officers with his hands out ready to be cuffed. When they asked him why he was throwing rocks at the door, he simply said, "I wanted to see if it was bullet proof." That man is my cousin.

The news upset me, but I can't say it was a shock. I've been concerned about him for a while. He always was sort of a "rebel," but his actions have become increasingly suspect.

When I was a kid, I idolized my cousin. He was the cool high school guy who everyone loved having around. He was super smart, possibly too smart for his own good. He was fascinated with the solar system, communication, chemistry... and drugs. To my knowledge, mainly pot.

When I was in college he gave me a bag of pot for Christmas. I never even smoked, but, coming from my older cousin, I thought it was cool. I was the big man on campus for a week. I got high with everyone I knew and every single time I just fell asleep. When the bag was gone, I never did it again.

It's not the first time he's been arrested, but this one really makes me sad. It's telling when someone walks deliberately into an arrest. It is so final. It is also one of those stories that everyone laughs about on the morning radio or news about "stupid criminals."

A lot of the psychology/self help gurus of the day are pointing at how dangerous it can be to live in the mind. That people are literally thinking themselves sick. I've seen a few of my really smart friends get into trouble because they are bored and living in the past or future too often. Using their mind to escape the present and create illusions that keep them preoccupied. I am always grateful for good friends and hobbies to keep me grounded and it's really hitting home.

As I write, my cousin is probably staring at a jail cell wall wondering what went wrong. How a life can turn inside out in a flash. I wish I could call and have a meaningful conversation that gives him hope, but we haven't spoken in years and I'm not sure we could right now. The only thing I can do is hope he gets the love and help he was desperately seeking.

posted by The Oscillator @ 10:48 PM