The Liquid Kosmos

"The Onion" softens under corporate cloud

MADISON, WI - For years Terry Hanson used to call his buddy Jim and tell him about the latest headlines in The Onion, but lately he says he's been embarrassed to share anything out of that "fledgling rag." "

I saw that 'Onion guy' on a few talk shows and now it seems like they've gone from Animal House to Bad Santa," said a head scratching Hanson. The paper that trumps itself as "America's Finest News Source" has admittedly had a hard time keeping ideas fresh since they've added leather furniture to the reception area.

"Maybe we're getting a little soft, but I stand behind our reporting 100%," said Al Phelps founder and President of Onion, Inc. "Yes, maybe we've had better times, but I'll tell you this, I have never smoked a better cigar!"

The confidence level has dropped since The Onion's head writer has gone over to the "Daily Show" and it is starting to show up where loyal readers fear it most: the front page. "Food Fight Pisses Off Janitor" and "Bush Follows Cheney Into Restroom" are the latest from this storied paper and Hanson is beside himself.

"That's flat-out not funny," he says.

posted by The Oscillator @ 4:19 PM