The Liquid Kosmos

A brawl in the making at K-Mart

So I'm (actually I'm not sure where I was) over south of town just past 100 Oaks Mall and I drive past this K-Mart (Big K for all of you that still shop there) and remember that I need razors and some crap for my allergies.

It has been a while since I've been to a Big K, but it feels vaguely familiar as I pull a rusty shopping cart from its perch. Yes, I know, why would I need a shopping cart for two small items? I think Target has done that to me. The only place where I go in looking for a shower curtain and end up calling the neighbor because I've bought so much stuff it won't go in my car.

Anyway, I'm pushing the cart through the absolute WORST bunch of crap clothes, shoes, and other stuff I've ever seen and land just outside the medication aisle. I stroll over to the allergy stuff and am shocked at the prices. It's almost a buck a pill for Clariton! But, I rationalize it by saying, "24 hours of relief? That could be a steal." After about 3 minutes of soul searching I grab 10 of them for 9.64 and go back to my cart, which is now missing. Someone stole it! I'm telling you, there couldn't have been more than 20 people in the whole place and someone had the brass to steal my rusty cart right behind my back. Amazing.

So naturally, I am kind of "strolling" along with one eye toward the razors and another out for the cart thief and low and behold there is a very suspicious man in the toiletry aisle with one box of toothpaste in his cart (you know, right where the kid would normally sit) and he is looking VERY suspicious. Not to mention he is standing right next to the RAZORS!

I kind of give him the once over and he quickly looks down and reaches in his pocket to pull out a "list" of stuff he is allegedly buying. I look back down at the toothpaste and nearly start it on fire with my piercing stare, then to the razors, then back at him. Again, a quick look down to the list, this time followed by some mumbling in Spanish. "Uno, Shiek razeros, foomy shavy cream," or something to that effect... Then silence. He is busted and he knows it.

Then in one full swoop I reach out and yank a 10 pack of razors out of their bin and storm away in disgust. Tonight....he was lucky. If I hadn't been in such a forgiving mood, there could have been "Cart Wars," which would hands down be more entertaining than Star Wars.

Other than that, not much going on tonight. You?

posted by The Oscillator @ 6:52 PM